12 Signs You’re Healing (Even If It Doesn’t Feel Like It)

Healing is a strange, often messy journey. It doesn’t always feel like an Instagram-worthy glow-up or a profound epiphany. In fact, most of the time, healing looks like crying in your car after a therapy session, feeling lost even though you’re making progress, or wanting to quit because it all feels too heavy. But here’s the thing: Healing is happening even when it doesn’t feel like it. Here are some of the most common signs you’re healing, even if it doesn’t seem obvious.

1. You’re More Aware of Your Triggers

One of the first signs of healing is becoming aware of what sets you off — the situations, words, or behaviors that make your emotions spiral. You might still react strongly, but now you can actually recognize that you’re being triggered rather than feeling completely overwhelmed and confused.

How to Recognize This:

Ever since I was a child, I would get into these terrible bouts of depression—the world-is-ending type of depression. As an adult, it looks more like, “This relationship was a mistake,” or “I should just move away from all of this,” or the worst of them all: “Everyone is better off without me.”

Thankfully, I can now recognize—most of the time—that I’ve been triggered by something. The non-triggers are the hardest for me, though… these are the times when I’m simply lacking basic human necessities—hungry or tired. It wasn’t until I learned about babies’ needs and the reasons they cry that I could fully appreciate I was experiencing a similar reaction when those needs weren’t being met for me.

The most common unmet needs that send me into a spiral are tiredness, hunger, pain (I live with chronic pain, and it often affects my mood more than I realize), and overstimulation.

The sooner you become aware of your triggers, the easier it is to tend to your own needs—and over time, that leads to healing beyond just the in-the-moment meltdowns.

2. You’re Setting (and Enforcing) Boundaries

This one can feel more painful than it sounds. Setting boundaries is hard, especially if you’re a people-pleaser or you’ve always been the one to keep the peace. But when you start to prioritize your own well-being over others’ expectations, you’re actively healing.

How to Recognize This:

Setting boundaries has been hard for me my entire life—most likely because the person who had the biggest influence over me was completely devoid of boundaries or any understanding of what they meant. I finally had to put my foot down, and although it’s been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done, I’m proud of myself for standing my ground. It’s led to some groundbreaking moments for me since. (At the time of writing this, it’s been almost six months.)

One important lesson that should be taught from a young age is this: you will never regret standing up for yourself.

3. Your Reactions Are More Controlled

Remember when you used to react without thinking? Whether it was snapping back at someone or spiraling into self-doubt after a negative comment — that version of you is slowly being replaced. Healing means you have more control over your emotional responses, even if you don’t always get it right.

How to Recognize This:

Since starting down the path of unconventional healing, I have found I can step back and respond rationally most of the time, and even if I don’t, it doesn’t take me nearly as long to regroup and if needed, rectify the situation.

4. You Allow Yourself to Feel (Even the Hard Stuff)

A massive part of healing is feeling your emotions rather than running from them. You’re no longer numbing out with distractions, pretending everything is fine, or shoving your feelings down until they explode.

How to Recognize This:

I always thought that I let myself feel the emotions. I cry all the time! I realized though, I wasn’t actually allowing myself to feel and experience the emotions. I was always trying to shut them off as soon as I felt them coming on. Turns out it’s not the best strategy.

5. You’re Letting Go of the Need for Validation

You used to bend over backward for other people’s approval, but now you find yourself making decisions based on what feels right for you. Healing often looks like losing the need to explain yourself to everyone.

How to Recognize This:

I have always needed validation, without realizing it. I second-guess myself all the time and always look for approval. My previous marriage didn’t help this, as I always felt the need to justify everything.

Now that I’m in a healthy relationship, this has gotten much better but it’s one of the pieces I still need to put a lot of conscious effort into.

6. You’re More Compassionate Toward Yourself

It used to be second nature to beat yourself up for every mistake, but now you’re starting to speak to yourself with a little more kindness. Healing means acknowledging that you’re human, flaws and all.

How to Recognize This:

• You forgive yourself for things you once obsessed over.
• You can laugh at yourself instead of feeling embarrassed.
• You celebrate your small wins, even if they seem insignificant.

I’ve written about compassionate self-forgiveness before, and without it, I never would have been more compassionate to myself. Self-love has really lacked in the years since my oldest child moved away from home early; it has brought up all my mom guilt and the pain of being a parent that no one talks about.

Even in those hardest of times, where you just want to beat yourself up for all the mistakes you have made throughout your life, you need to show yourself love. No one will ever love you as much as you should love yourself.

7. You’re Less Interested in Drama

Healing doesn’t mean you’ll never encounter drama again, but you’ll notice that you have less tolerance for it. You’ll find yourself stepping away from gossip, avoiding toxic conversations, and refusing to be pulled into other people’s chaos.

How to Recognize This:

These days I even find tv drama too much. Except for Netflix. Netflix knows how to do drama, and I’m all about the real estate shows. I would love if they dropped some of the toxic female behaviour, though. Toxicity doesn’t equal good tv.

8. You’re Willing to Seek Help

Whether it’s therapy, self-help books, online communities, or talking to a trusted friend — you’re no longer trying to do it all alone. This willingness to lean on support is a powerful sign of healing.

How to Recognize This:

Don’t just rely on one person or source of help. Having one is a great starting point, but the saying “it takes a village” goes for seeking help, too. I have different people & groups for the different things in my life I need support for.

9. You Have More Clarity About What You Want

As you heal, the fog starts to lift. You begin to see what you genuinely want out of life — not just what you’ve been conditioned to think you should want. Your goals may shift, and that’s okay.

How to Recognize This:

Now, some days I think I have this all figured out, and some days I don’t feel like I have anything figured out. But the key is that there is some clarity, and that’s more than I used to have.

10. You’re Not Afraid to Let Go

Healing often means letting go — of people, beliefs, habits, or versions of yourself that no longer serve you. This can feel like grief, but it’s also a sign of growth.

How to Recognize This:

I recently let go of one of my businesses. I was holding onto it for far too long, and it was just causing me a ton of grief. The moment I announced I was closing, was the moment I felt free.

11. You’re Comfortable With Not Knowing Everything

Healing isn’t about having it all figured out. It’s about being okay with the fact that you don’t. You accept that life is uncertain, and that’s okay.

How to Recognize This:

12. You’re Willing to Try Again

Perhaps the most powerful sign of healing is your willingness to keep going, even when you’ve been hurt or disappointed. You know that healing is not a straight line, and you’re okay with that.

How to Recognize This:

One thing I have always excelled at is trying again. I know that we are put on this earth to live our best lives, so I’m not going to let any kind of setback hold me back from the life I know I was meant to have.

Final Thoughts: Healing is a Journey, Not a Destination

Remember, healing is not about perfection. It’s about progress. It’s about recognizing your growth, even when it feels slow or messy. Celebrate these subtle signs, because they are proof that you’re on your way to becoming a stronger, more resilient version of yourself.